I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
