i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
