so that wasnt chicken after all
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
