We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
