stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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