Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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