yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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