I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
