porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
