so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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