i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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