glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
