Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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