Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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