So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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