I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
