I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
