Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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