she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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