jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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