i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
