I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
