peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
