you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
