Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
we should paint friendship bongs
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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