is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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