yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
