It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
