O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
