well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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