Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
