Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
