only if we run a train.
done.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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