Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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