I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
