At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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