she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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