if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
