I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
