Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
