Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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