if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
