Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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