spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
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