she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
