Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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