I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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