You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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