i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
