now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
