I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
