my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
